He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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