Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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