Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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