She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
