Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have fence marks all over my body
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
