Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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