Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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