i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
NoShamevember. You game?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
