o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
