if you like me you must not know who I am
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
