wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
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No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.