Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.