Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.