Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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