If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
