His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
you made out with another girl for some wings
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
