hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
