So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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