Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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