he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
