I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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