I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
