Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
a search helicopter?!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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