Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
