Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
