I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
