can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
