Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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