was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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