My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
