It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
