Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She told me I should be a condom model.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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