When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
