You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
