oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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