the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
