I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
