They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
