i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's shark week go big or go home
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
