During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
