How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
