just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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