I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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