No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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