I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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