Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
