we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He passed out mid-signature
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
