Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
