People in love make me want to vomit
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
