I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
