Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
