He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
