1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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