Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
