I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
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I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Enjoy the penises
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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