she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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