if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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