i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
