Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
