Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
