Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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