i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
there is glitter all over my balls
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
