I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
