Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
