I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
