she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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