i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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