if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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