It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
