I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize