how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
