We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
