strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I need moral support for this bender
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I still have a little drunk in my system
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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