I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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