Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
