the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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