you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
